Douchebag...

I went to meet up with some friends the other night, which ended up taking me to a very crowded bar. We're talking elbow-to-elbow here; not a comfortable situation for me. Being creepy and anti-social, I tended to stand towards the back of the room as I sipped my drink. Before long, a security guy (or something) came and told me I couldn't stand where I was, as I was blocking the fire exit. This struck me as a hilarious supposition; it's as if he assumed that if there was a fire, I wasn't going to run. How can a flammable being with working legs ever truly be "blocking" a fire exit? I assured him that in the event of a fire, I'm perfectly comfortable being the first one out the door. He then asked me to leave. Douchebag...

Links

Do you ever get the feeling that links have only been added to a webpage to artificially add depth to something that is actually quite shallow?

Hardest Super Mario Ever

This is one of the funniest video game related videos I've ever seen. Be warned, it's laced with obscenities; but I honestly can't blame the guy. This level was user-created and is the most difficult super mario bros. level I can even imagine. Cursing aside, kudos to the guy who made the video for actually playing this. I sincerely doubt I could make it as far as he does (which is sad, since I've been playing video games for as long as I can remember). If you are a gamer, and also a masochist, this and other mods can be found at GameTap.

The Long Arms of The Law

Ahh, edutainment. Shows like this inform our nation's youth about things like healthy eating habits. They can also serve to amuse people my age, provided substance abuse is a factor. My roommate and I catch this show, Yo Gabba Gabba, whenever we can. It's educational and hilarious at the same time. Just look at the length of that dude's arms! I defy you to not laugh as you watch those arms flail about...

Joke's on you; I'm telling you something

La, la, la, la wait till I get my money right

la, la, la, la then you cant tell me nothing right

Excuse Me, is you saying something?

Uh, uh, you can't tell me nothing

(Ha ha) you can't tell me nothing

Uh, uh, you can't tell me nothing

-Kanye West

-- This is one of the most irritating choruses in the history of music. This is repeated throughout Mr. West's song, "Can't Tell Me Nothing." It actually makes me angry. Like, white knucles and grinding teeth; REAL anger. I hear it all the god damned time in my house, as my roommate is a big fan (and seems to think that turning up the volume makes shitty music better). Notes to Kanye:

-- Right does not rhyme with right, and nothing does not rhyme with nothing; IT'S THE SAME FUCKING WORD.

-- Furthermore, the placement of the word "right" in the first two lines doesn't even make sense. It seems that you tacked the word onto the end of the lines to make it rhyme (too bad rhyming the same word over again doesn't work and just makes me angry).

-- Is you saying something? IS you!? Come on, Kanye; go back to school.

-- Seemingly overlooked grammatical rule; a double-negative forms a positive. According to your lyrics, I can't tell you nothing. Since I am unable to tell you nothing; you've said that I have to tell you something. I don't think this was your intended message. And repeating this error three times does not help your cause.

-- Now look back over the chorus, ignoring the nit-picking I've just done. Accept its flaws; just look at its underlying message. THERE IS NONE. So you're going to get some money? And that is going to keep me from saying anything to you? Wow, that's deep...

-- I hate you.

** For more wonderful grammatical errors, have a look at more of Kanye's lyrics at http://www.azlyrics.com/w/west.html **